Tag Archives: superstitions

Mulva in Her Dress

I just remembered a remarkable story I must tell you all.  Some of my readers may already remember and know this memory. I wanted to get it written down before I’m fif…fi.fffff…um, not 49 anymore and could maybe start to forget things more than I already do.

So going waaay back to when I was still working at my former job, a little money came our way so the staff could partake in some fun and hopefully help to prevent burnout.  Burnout was common at my workplace as we worked with persons with HIV.  This story happened before the magic cocktails came out which changed the face of HIV/AIDS.  In our half of the world anyway.

So the mighty ED (executive director, not erectile dysfunction) (ahem) selected a team, a committee, a bunch of suckers if you will, to plan a magical FUN DAY with the emphasis being on the FUN.  There was a scavenger hunt and all kinds of things I now forget.  I do remember how hard my co-workers on the committee slaved to make sure everyone had fun.  Except the committee didn’t have any fun.  They were too busy.  I want to acknowledge them now.  I bow to you all and kiss your lovely feet.

Now here my memory is leaky; I know I volunteered to do stuff but I think I only ended up doing one thing.  And that’s where Mulva came in.

I think this was a time where I was at the height of my bipolar disorder and definitely on an upwards slope and not close to crashing.  I was/am totally addicted to the internet and all its lovely sites and sounds.  One day I came across a sight that was sort of Magic 8 Ball and sort of Tarot Card that would “read” you by sensing your fingers on the keys.

With that, I had an amazing, impossible idea.

I decided to transform myself and become the glorious, mysterious Mulva, Seer extraordinaire.  I wore the only dress I had at the time, a long black number with an outer layer of lace.  I know it sounds glamorous but on me it just made me look frumpier.  It was long-sleeved and made from some heavy material.  I added RED lipstick, generous amounts of  mascara and dark blue eyeshadow and liner.  This would have been in July.

Mulva showed up at work with many scarves, rings and attitude.  She took off her shoes almost as soon as she got there.  She was shown to the office where she was to weave magic from the laptop assigned to her for just that purpose.

Okay, I cannot write in the third person.  So to continue…

It didn’t take me very long to realize how damned hot it was in there.

My first habitué was one of the women who worked in the building.  Well, they all worked in the building. We got down to business.  I was so cute and made noises and chanted.  I had her in stitches.  Then I asked her to lay her hands upon the laptop.  The seer on the site spit out some drivel which I tried to interpret it for her.

Then came the next part of my schtick.  The night before, I had my then 5-year-old daughter help me paint small, shiny, smooth rocks with nail polish with random designs.  She did insist on making a wish for the recipient before and after painting the rocks.  She did this by closing her eyes, holding the rock close to her heart and smiling as she wished in her head.  So cute at that age.  Then they turn 14. I was intrigued what this could mean for the chosen.  I was also wondering how I was going to get all that nail polish off my little girl. The rocks were then put into a velvet bag for me to take to work the next day.  Carly kissed the velvet bag with its magic stones before she went to bed.

So this lovely nurse reached into the bag to find the rock that was magically especially for her.  I was to interpret the rock and the enchanted design then give my impressions to her.  I babbled about something, we laughed some more and out she went with me right behind her with my scarves fanning her aura out of the room to make room for the next person.

Drama queen is Mulva indeed.

So this went on for hours.  I was really hot in my stupid dress (I wore pantyhose too!  What was I thinking!?) and I was getting tired.  Someone thought to bring me water.  Then a Diet Pepsi.  Better.

Then the most remarkable thing happened with the 5th or so person who was looking for some psychic satisfaction in their lives.

I didn’t know her at all.  She just started working there and didn’t work in the same section as I so our paths rarely crossed.  She wasn’t at all gleeful as the others had been.  She was very serious and rather intense. I reminded her this was all in fun and she said great.  She wanted some fun.

Something hit me then.  A picture of a young blond man, laughing in a photograph.  Then, not being able to help myself, I closed my eyes and saw water and blond hair and tasted salt in my mouth.  My eyes were still closed as I spoke. I could hear the woman’s silent tears.  She asked me to please tell her what the man looked like.  I described the man in the photo: his appearance and how he was so happy.  He was looking down at someone not shown and holding out his hand to them.

The room was so hot.  I could feel the sweat running down my back and even in my closed eyes.  She blew her nose and handed me a tissue for my own tears.  So much for all my make up.  I opened my eyes and looked into hers.  They were the same as the man in the photo.  I waited, confused and even shocked a little by what just happened and by her reaction.

“My brother drowned last year while he was sailing off the coast of BC.  I’ve been hoping and praying that he’s happy and safe and will be my new baby’s guardian angel.  You described him perfectly.”

I told her, besides the water vision and everything, I thought the photograph I saw showed where he is now; happy and content to watch over his family.

She left after I read her stone.  I had to take a break for a while and headed for the door.  When I stepped out into the hall, at least 30 people scrambled to their feet, all waiting to see the Mysterious Mulva.

I saw everyone that day and there were more odd things.  One more that stands out in my memory is of one of my co-workers.  I knew already she was retiring so that wasn’t news.  I didn’t bother with the laptop any more since it just became silly; there were some serious things happening here without it.

So she selected her stone, held it in her hand, and closed her eyes and made a wish.  This is what I had everyone do.  She handed the stone to me.  It was so hot, I dropped it.  We both laughed nervously but I let her pick it up.  Once again I reached for it.  Before I could complete the gesture I said “Africa”.

Taking the stone in my hand I looked at her.  Her face was non-committal. Then I studied the stone. I said to her, “I don’t know why I’m thinking this but there’s a new baby coming to your house.  I think the baby is from Africa and has the most beautiful dark skin.  But the house I see isn’t the house you have now, it’s a different one.  You’re moving soon.”

I looked at the stone again.  “That’s all I have.”  I looked at her expectantly.

She didn’t say much, just thanked me and left really fast.  She looked angry.

Things were winding down.  I was exhausted and amazed at how strong my intuition became the more I used it.  There were countless examples throughout that day.  I was so hot and couldn’t wait to get out of that dress, burn it then sue the pantyhose company.

My co-worker came to my office a week later to tell me that they were indeed moving; buying a house big enough for her, her husband, her married daughter and her husband.  Her daughter just received the news that the baby they hoped to adopt was going to be arriving from South Africa at the end of the month.

I had no words.  She said she had wanted to make sure I wasn’t messing with her, that I didn’t already have the information before we met.  She really thought I had been and it made her pretty angry.  The clincher for her was when the news came of the arrival of her new grandchild after our session.  No one knew of this arrangement with the house and the baby  except for the 4 people involved.

So what does it all mean?  I don’t know.  I don’t care.  There are lots of things that have happened for which I have no explanation for.  But that’s just it.  I don’t need one.  It’s just one of the things that have been with me for most of my life.  It was just never so strong as when I saw 40 or 50 people in one day and really focused.  I made my intuition work overtime.

I’m glad it worked and it worked for them.

One day we’ll talk about when I see dead people.

PS  I’m taking my meds and they are working fine.  Lighten up a little.


Ha!  The title fooled you.  This is NOT about my meds.  This is about whether I would want to stay in a made up world forever and never know the difference or would I choose the opposite; wake up in my bed and find an excuse for what just went down.

Yes.  Blue Pill.  Red Pill.  Made famous on the Matrix but the concept has been around for decades.

This is what was presented to me courtesy of Word Press Daily Post:

If given the choice, are you the kind of person who takes the red pill, or the blue pill? Why? When do you willfully do the opposite?

“You take the blue pill – the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill – you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes.” -Morpheus (from the film The Matrix)

Background on the red pill vs. blue pill here.

So what would you do?  I would argue that I would need more information before I could make a decision like that.  I think it would depend upon so much.  How do I know my choice won’t bring me a worse situation than I was already in?  Could things get any better or any worse?

So in reality there is no red or blue pill.  To take a pill to change my reality?  I won’t even go there.  There are choices though.  All the time.  Why I make some of the ones I do baffles me sometimes.  Baffles my sister too.  Not about her choices but about mine.  I go around and learn, around some more, learn some more but it seems to never end.

Some pretty bad crap happened to me and Carly in the past year, mostly due to the cruelties and thoughtlessness of other people we used to trust.  I really thought we were not going to make it and, for the first time in my life, I was scraping.  Not even scraping by.  This close to living in my car  and I would have if I didn’t have Carly.  This close to totally losing it all.  And myself.

I had a couple of things that were positive and worked on making them work for me.  I had my amazing daughter and grown son, I had my amazing sister Colleen, a very lovely fella, my gift of writing and my gift of honesty and common sense.  Hmm, more than a couple.

Without those things I never would have taken the blue pill.  That’s what I think happened.  If I took the red pill would I have still been trapped inside of that unfriendly world?  I didn’t care to explore it any further, thank you very much.

So I took the blue pill and woke up one morning and things were better.  My wishing on trains helped too.  My dear people/things are still dear to me and my talents brought me respect and time.  I was able to discover gifts I never knew I had and how to use them.  Well, and not being afraid to use them.

Worthwhile getting here but OUCH when you hit your head on the rabbit hole.

A Post Behind

Boy am I ever late!  I’ve committed to writing a post a week and, for the first time, missed one.  I guess life caught up with me, good and bad but mostly good.  I think it’s been the change in my meds; increasing the dosage tends to retard my accessibility to my creativity.  My creative juices are still flowing (I hope), I just have to work harder to turn on the tap. This will be a hodge-podge of things so bear with me while I yammer.  This is good exercise for me.

 My kids, whom you may remember from some of my other posts, have been my real focus.  My daughter went to Quebec on a school trip, for which we managed to get together enough money; thank you to all who gave me great suggestions, bought our fundraisers, and even lent me the cash.  She had a great time except for her beloved camera getting stolen on the second day of the trip.

The night before her trip I had my son over to have supper with us.  We three had a hilarious time!  True to their mischievous, odd, harassing and, yes, disturbing personalities, they set out to find ways to torture me.

They were so good to start off with.  Really good.  No wrestling (drives me crazy) and ate their respective meals respectfully.  No food was thrown.  Ate all their veggies.  All that changed right after the dishes were put away.  I came into the living to sit down and put my swollen feet up.  Without a word, and I swear they did not have time to plan this, my demon children approached me with such diabolical expressions on their faces I felt very apprehensive.  One held a salt shaker; the other an umbrella.  I knew then this was not going to be a relaxing evening.  One upended the salt shaker, spilling salt all over the floor; the other opened and closed the umbrella while singing show tunes.  I could not pick up that salt and throw it over my left shoulder fast enough.  The umbrella catastrophe has no known cure so that kid was on his own.  No amount of reasoning or cajoling would end the madness.  I even explained to Carly she was going on the plane in the morning.  Deaf ears.  They then proceeded to wrestle until I hid in the bathroom.

A lot of salt to clean up but I managed to avert disaster by waiting until they were gone and THEN throwing the salt over my left shoulder.  Whew.  I know I averted a plane crash.  They just don’t realize what I do for them and all the work it takes to keep them alive!

While Carly was on her trip I took a few days off work to spend some quality time with my fella.  Four nights, me and him...and his whole dad-gum family.  Great time, got to know him and his family better and vice versa.  I think I’m invited back so I must have been okay.  Can’t believe it will be a year next month that we have been together.

I’ve talked about our cat, Lucky, before.  Great cat and I love her to pieces.  Last night she got into my meds.  No, not like aspirin or exlax (thank you for that) (wait; I don’t have exlax, do they even make it anymore?); she ate one of my lithium capsules.  I noticed it gone from my usually covered dish this morning.  She had tried to get at my meds the day before without success.  She seems fine although I don’t think she blinked once since I got home from work and her head shakes a bit.  She is quite calm and my psychiatrist said she wouldn’t die.  So far its been close to 24 hours and, besides being a little odder than normal, I think she will be okay.

I missed writing.  Material just was not presenting itself or, at least, articulating to my fingers from my brain.  I should know by now that all I have to do is just sit down and do it.  I’m pretty sure I won’t miss a post again.  Halfway through the year already!


I usually make a wish every morning on my way to work.  I go through an underpass with a train moving above me.  The superstition is (and I am very superstitious) as you drive under the bridge you take your feet off the floor, close your eyes, lick your thumb and thunk it to the ceiling of the car all while you make your wish.  Make sure the train is above you and moving.  I have been doing this for years and I have learned to be careful what I wish for.

One time I wished for money.  Found a nickel that very day.  Big whup. 

I tried to be more specific and wished to win the lottery.  I got $2 that Friday.  Not really what I had in mind.

Many times I wished for things beyond my control (yeah, like winning money isn’t beyond my control?) such as wishing my ex had loved me enough or my son to quit smoking or someone would give me as much chocolate I want.  I learned that wishing for things that involve other people just do not come true.  I think those things have already been decided.  Kinda have to do stuff for myself most of the time.

Mostly what I wish for is for my mental illness to stabilize and it has, many times.  Unfortunately or fortunately, however you want to look at it.  I cannot wish it away because it won’t go away and I really don’t mind having bi-polar disorder, as long as my meds are working.  Up to as recently as a month ago, my meds were sliding and that is not good.  That means I was sliding and I hate that.  So much.  My Dr. G. fixed me up tout suite with an increase, and after 2 weeks in spite of the horrible side effects, I can’t believe how I feel: wonderful.  Gone is the anxiety and I love how I am able to see things more clearly.  No depressive episodes, no paranoia; I feel on top of the game.  Today Dr. G. wanted me to go back to the former dose because of the side effects but I said no.  I want to hold on to this amazing confidence I know is always there but suppressed because of my illness.  I know the unpleasant side effects will go away.  In fact they are better already.

So what should one wish for?  My advice is to keep it simple.  Just wish for things to be better. 

Oh, and I just remembered there are 2 chocolate bars in my purse!

Oh, and don’t crash into anything.