I’ve been thinking about positive thoughts and where they come from. I really have to force myself, everyday, to think of myself in positive ways. I thought I would try to come up with a list of my favourite things, not necessarily about me but maybe it will tell the world and me what I like and love. So, in no particular order…
- Blue. I love the colour blue for so many reasons. I sometimes gasp at a new shade that makes me wish for the tropics or paint a picture. Neither of which I’ll be getting to do soon. The best blues are cobalt and music.
- My daughter’s smile. It lights up the whole room. It’s a rare thing to be seen since she became a teen. Her brother and I spied on her while she was working the drive thru at her work and oh, she smiled at everyone! We both were astounded by the transformation. I love her more every day than I did the day before.
- When she laughs it’s like bells
- My son’s energy. Oh man he makes me tired! Always smiling is that guy. Very social which is the opposite of me. He’s always talking and getting a deal going and has high ambitions. I am immensely proud of him. He is definitely one of my favourite things. I love him dearly.
- My Mom’s paintings she left behind. I just love them because she never really knew her talent until she was in her 40’s, 50’s and she still painted until she died. She had a passion.
- I love when people aren’t afraid to tell me what they think. Sometimes I’m afraid of it, thinking it might be bad but it rarely comes out that way.
- I love colour and beauty and movement. I love the ballet.
- I love the symphony. The music sends me somewhere else. I fell in love with the symphony at the same time I fell in love with the ballet.
- I love the kindness of others. So many people have shown me how good they can be. I’m truly lucky to know them and I’m a better person because of them.
- I love cats. So cute, especially my Lucky who is, thank goodness, still with us.
- I like dogs too but not as much as cats. 🙂
- I love chocolate.
- I love lilacs and the wonderful aroma they leave in the air during Springtime. I don’t think we’ll be having Spring this year.
- Spring and Summer
- My favourite flower would forget-me-nots. I think. If I was to make a bouquet it would be made up of many different kinds. Orchids are always an option.
- I love long car rides.
- I love going out for supper.
- I love new clothes.
- And Shoes
- Reading and reading
- I love watching movies where I get totally lost. I really don’t have a favourite movie, there are too many. It always depends on the mood of the movie; for action movies I love the Terminator series; for love stories my favourite has to be The Notebook. Whatever it is it has to be good.
- I like that I haven’t cried in weeks and weeks.
- I like Dr. G. He saved my life along with Dr. H who died way too soon. He found me Dr. G before he had to go though.
- I love my father’s face when he wakes up and sees me and the joy that’s there, even though he doesn’t know its me. He knows its someone he loves and who loves him.
- I love my grandchild. She’s adorable. I love when she holds out her arms for me even if her mom is holding her. I love when she makes me feel special like at Easter when I was giving her strawberries and she said, in her 19 month voice, Mo Gamma.
- I love my younger sister and her family. And all their dogs. And all their cats. Those kids have been brought up right and I stole a lot of things to use to bring up mine.
- Student Led Parent Teacher Conferences. I was just at my daughter’s yesterday and finally got to see her amazing photographs. She has a passion. All her teachers said the same thing. She does excellent work and it’s a pleasure having her in class. They are all sure she will go on to do great things. She didn’t want to go because she couldn’t see the point as her report card was excellent but I made her. I felt it was important for her to hear the praises and make plans and goals. She was very proud of herself and could see me bursting with it as well.
- I like when I make good decisions.
- I love to laugh and laugh until I cry or a little bit of pee comes out. Well maybe not that but you know what I mean.
- I love how I’ve been able to get along for more than 3 years without a car. Maybe it’s 4. I don’t know but it doesn’t matter much anymore. The only time I’ll miss it is during the summer because I won’t be able to get to the beach when I want to go.
- THE BEACH! OMG I love the beach so much. I love how it smells and the sounds and love looking at the water. In my teens, I used to have a secret place in the cliffs where I could be alone, write in my journal and watch the water while burying my feet in hot, smooth, white sand. I can still feel the sun on my face and arms. The spot is gone now as everything has eroded away. My memories of it though always fill me with comfort. No one could find me.
- Driving. I know I said I didn’t miss having a car but I really like driving. I used to drive a lot in the summers, especially, to get to my ex’s cabin, sometimes just for the day and it would be a 4 hour drive then. 2 hours each way. Oh you know what I mean.
- I love the show Friends and the Joeyisms.
- Days of Our Lives and Dr. Phil and Ellen are my friends during the day.
- Wine. Yeah.
- Writing of course. That’s my passion.
- No more fear
I think that should do it. Its been very interesting making this list. Thanks for being interested enough to read it. I’m sure there are lots more and I’m sorry if I left out anyone. I’ll leave you with a video someone sent me today on Facebook that has become one of my favourites.
PS: The pictures on this page belong to me and I do not give permission for anyone to copy them without my consent. Thank you.
Posted in Entertainment, Family, Food, Friends, Health, life, me, Mental Health, Music, Postaweek2014, Writing
Tagged bi-polar disorder, blogs, cat, Family, food, fun, health, humor, life, love, past, shoes, teens, writng
Well, this was a good week. I’ve discovered a few more things about myself, some of which I have to face and get a handle on. Most though, were good or, at least, good enough.
I finally started walking outside as the weather has been cooperating and the ground has dried up nicely. I think this is the main reason for my good moods. Exercise is so important for one with bi polar as it helps to even out everything. I found myself becoming bored at home for, really, the first time in over a year. Thinking about my future brings a dose of reality. Dr. G and I are talking more and more about finding work. I keep imagining myself in a tiny bachelor apartment after Carly turns 18 (1 more year!).
She and I have been talking about her post secondary schooling. She is eligible for so many scholarships and bursaries as well as student loans. Hopefully she’ll be able to stay living with me when she goes to school but she’s not so sure what she wants to do yet. Take a year off, move out with a friend or stay home and go to school. So many decisions she has to make and it’s so great to have so many choices.
Now for a change of subject…I’ve always known I have an addictive personality. I don’t mean people get addicted to me although, hmm. Nah, that’s not what I mean. It’s like when I used to smoke like a chimney until I quit in 1987. I quit while I was pregnant with my boy too but started again right away. Wow, I smoked a lot, more than 2 packs a day sometimes. I loved everything about it and, as I said in other posts, I still dream I smoke almost every night. Booze was a problem too at different times in my life. I pretty much stay away from it now. I smoked weed in the latter part of high school and as a young adult until I was pregnant with my son in 1985 then never touched it again. It was hard to quit so if people try to tell you there are no withdrawal symptoms from marijuana, they’re lying to you.
My ongoing battle has been with food since I turned about 20. Food is always there. One needs food to survive. It’s starting to get bad again mostly because I live next to a 7-11 and they have everything that’s not so good for me. I’m making super-bad decisions when it comes to food. Chocolate is my weakness and diet Pepsi. Chips for supper sometimes. They’re cheap and filling. The nights with chips are the nights my daughter eats at work so I don’t feel so guilty. I never figured I was an emotional eater because when things are bad I just can’t eat. It’s when things are going well I eat more and badly. I guess that would qualify as emotional too. I need strength to get through this. I don’t want to gain weight after losing so much. Dr. G is thinking it might be the new medication I’m taking at night to help me fall asleep. Although I’m on a really low dose one of the side affects is weight gain. I’ll be watching.
My mom’s cooking was pretty basic and good most of the time but sometimes kind of dangerous as she wasn’t too careful with health standards; leaving pots of soup or stews on the stove for days and serving them to us; meat left on the counter for way too long and some stuff just tasted bad you know? We all got the “Grand Beach Flu” at the same time and it was usually after her “Grand Beach Stew”. I love her dearly but not the bugs that were in the flour that went into the gravy or the stuffing or the cakes or whatever. I survived though and I’m sure it was why I was so skinny until I moved out.
I did so well with money this week. It helped that the government sent out our quarterly GST refund so there was more money to work with. I actually had food in the pantry and the fridge and still had money in my wallet by the time Child Tax Credit came in. What a great feeling buying a bus pass and veggies and fruit for my girl who looks in the fridge and says, “Wow”.
My plan is to walk every day for at least 1/2 hour and increase it. I need to invest in a good pair of runners as Carly and I are sharing mine right now (!). I know.
She needs them for work and I need them for volunteering so one of us is using them all the time. Hopefully at the end of the month I can get another pair for her. My shoes are actually too big for her. She’s a size smaller than me.
Shoes I should be getting…
So the plan is to walk, eat better and get new shoes. Those are pretty good goals for a week…
Shoes I want…
Posted in Family, Food, Health, life, me, Mental Health, Postaweek2014
Tagged bi-polar disorder, food, health, life, mental health, money, poor, Postaweek2014, rich, shoes, teens, wishes
I don’t have too much to write about this week. I’ve been sick with an awful cold and cough, which I tried, unsuccessfully, to hide from my date on Saturday. I’ve missed 2 weeks of volunteering and have been staying in a lot.
Hmm, wait, I did host a dinner party for my son’s 29th birthday on March 2, all while I was just getting this stupid cold. A turkey, a ham and 10 of my favourite people squashed in my tiny apartment.
The highlight at the beginning (it was like I planned it!) was the fuzz (cops to you young ‘uns) who arrived at the front door of the apartment block just as I was going to let my sister into the building. Now, you know they weren’t looking for me. A neighbour called them for their own problems in their own suite. As they tried to figure out exactly which suite they were looking for, my sister came barreling down the hall, very excited and half blind from her fogged up glasses and shouting, “Hey Marie! I have your pot!” Of course she was talking about cookware. Of course she was! I was gesturing to said pot to the nice policemen who were now looking at me with a little more interest than they were before.
Cop 1: I think she’s really a drug dealer and only looks like a Sunday School teacher…
Cop 2: I say we frisk her…
By the time my son arrived, he saw a man getting the cuffs slapped on him in the hallway (well, the arrest was pretty quiet, no ruckus, no fuss) and he was just a little bit rattled by the sight as he came in with his Mohawk and punk rock outfit he bedazzled himself. Okay, it’s not cool to say bedazzled; he studded and patched the jacket to perfection.
Now that all the players were there, it was time to get the supper on the table. I was carving the turkey until my sister took over so I could make gravy. It seemed every time I started something she was there to take over and move me on to anther task. I cut up the ham and realized just how much I miss my electric knife. My sister mashed the potatoes with butter and milk (I was out of cream cheese and really wished I had my mixer too); corn was cooked just right and Carly made a perfect Caesar Salad as she always does. It seemed like a real flurry of activity in my teeny tiny kitchen but organized, very hot and smelling awesome.
The turkey was done just divine although the stuffing was too moist. Too bad the ham didn’t have the flavour I wanted. I was going for a sweeter taste than it had. I did use a cup and a half of brown sugar and only 1/2 cup of pineapple juice. Forget the juice next time I think. The gravy was amazing. Everyone appreciated having turkey at this time of year. We all think it’s too long to wait for it again in the fall.
It must have been good enough because everyone ate and ate then ate the ice cream cake that followed. It all worked out so great! I can’t believe I pulled it off. Both my kids were impressed.
Anyway, the weather is finally warmer and the streets are either messy or icy so going outside means I always expect the unexpected. Hopefully this virus or whatever it is will be a thing of the past and I can get back to a routine outside of the apartment.
Oh and now it’s time to plan Carly’s birthday. Both kids born in March. What was it about those July long weekends?