Bad things happen to really nice people and my daughter just had the worst week of her life. Sometimes teenaged boys just suck. I’ve been dreading this…
My sweet and unsuspecting daughter’s relationship with her boyfriend of a year and a half came to an end this week. She had no idea it was coming and is in total shock. There is no comprehension, no reasoning she can see. Why can’t it make the sense it should?
I feel so much of her pain. No mom ever wants to see her child go through this drama. I hate it. They got along well and didn’t really fight or argue a whole lot. I knew there was a strong likelihood that the relationship would end eventually because they’re so young. I just didn’t want it to happen NOW. A week before Valentine’s Day. Holy cow.
My strong and beautiful daughter sobs like I’ve never seen her. I let her and cry along with her sometimes. Our home is where it’s safe to cry. He won’t answer her texts, he isn’t calling. This has to be the worst time in her life so far. Her heart is broken. I want to take all the hurt away, realizing eventually that this, for both of us, is all part of growing up.
I feel I’m making a difference. She’s talking to me about her feelings, she’s set some goals, agreed to and made up some restrictions with her phone use so she won’t call him. She listens to my advice, which I don’t give overwhelmingly. She wakes me up early in the morning just so I can sit with her until she has to leave for school. She trusts me.
Needless to say, I haven’t left her alone very much. To the dismay of my sister, I’ve even kept her home from school for 3 days and she’s now been back for 2. The first day was hard but the second was better. I encouraged her to get together with some girlfriends this weekend and is at a sleepover now.
I hate these hard lessons we have to face. My memories of the first guy to dump me were horrible and will always be, even though I learned more about myself because of it. I would call his place at all hours of the day and night and hang up when he answered. I would let it ring 30, 40, 50 times if he didn’t. Needless to say there was no caller ID then. I was so angry and sad and resentful. He was just cruel when he broke up with me. There was no need for that.
Carly’s boyfriend wasn’t mean at all really. He was “sugar-coating” his reasons which she recognized right away. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt her, which she recognized as well. It’s just now, for her, that hurt is burning and alive and it stabs me through my heart. I feel it every moment she starts to cry or I look into her big brown eyes, full of sorrow. Her posture is no longer straight and proud. She is feeling beaten and betrayed. How do you fix that Mom?
Time, I tell her.
We talk every evening. I’m so proud of her for opening up about so many things I didn’t know but glad I know now. She says I “get it”.
And I do. I feel like a Mom again.
How about you? The first time is always the worst isn’t it?