The Silence


It was inevitable:  no pay bill = No TV For You.whitenoise

My apartment is so quiet.  I can hear the tinnitus in my ear, clicking away; my blood flowing; my heart beating and every sound from the upstairs suite are explosions.  They shower at least 4 times a day and vacuum at least 2.  It’s absolutely abnormal how many time they flush their toilet.  They stomp and yell and laugh and wrestle and I don’t think they have a TV either because no one is sitting still up there.  Oh and they drop a lot of things.  Big things.

My cat loves this opportunity to howl even more than she has in the past.  There’s nothing around to compete with her voice. I believe she’s trying to sing about all her life’s passions and journeys (she hasn’t had much so maybe she cries for the lack thereof).  She scrapes her nails all the way to the bottom of her litter box with more gusto than necessary.  I hear her scarfing down her cat food bowlfood, after I patiently watch and pet her every day, soothing her 3 month-long anxiety of eating alone.

It could be worse though.  She used to not want to poop alone.  This is a lot better.

By the second or third day I was almost mad by the silence and the noise.  I relied on that TV for, not only for the shows (OMG, The Voice starts soon!), it blocked out all the annoying sounds of everyday life.  noisy neighborsBut I miss Rachael Ray’s cooking!  Burger days!.  I covet her cookware. And I don’t care what anyone thinks, I need to see all the Friends episodes for the 12th time.  My soap opera is reduced to a cheap cut on YouTube where the mouths are not synched with the words and that makes me dizzy. If I squint a little, though, it helps. And Dr. Phil!  Carly and I were bonding over that show.  Sadly, I will never know if Property Virgins will ever have someone not lose their property virginity.

TV was also my main source for music.  I never could quite figure out how to piano-1.jpgupload music to my iPhone (or download or whatever).  I found a station on the internet that plays all kinds of genres though.  It’s such a relief to have beautiful music in my life again.

My eyes are blurry from reading and cross-eyed from playing games online.  I know soon I’ll regret having started the latter.  Already I can feel the cramping in my hand from the abnormal way I have to hold my phone to play.  I hate you Candy Crush.

I’m quite hard of hearing so this sensitivity to noise is pretty new to me.  People knock on my window (why do they DO that??) and it sounds like it’s coming from the bathroom.  Or the door.  Or right behind me!!  GAH!  I almost always scream a little.  I never answer the window (bring your frigging KEYS!).  Unfortunately, none of this means that my hearing has improved.  I still have difficulty understanding someone during a conversation unless they know to speak clearly with a slight Minnie Mouse tonality.

So once I catch up on the bills then I’ll have the TV back on.

I wonder if I’ll even want to?

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8 responses to “The Silence

  1. We are so so much alike! I have my TV on in the background all day. It really does help with the Tinnitus and anxiety.

    I really do hope you get your TV back somehow. I wish I had the $ I would totally pay it!

    More angels for you today.. TV angels, money angels, abundance angels, ride to work angels, food angels!!! Miracles can happen!

    • Angels for lawyers too? LOL. Thanks Kim. Things are okay really. I have this huge TV sitting here but no cable. TV is NOT our priority. The quiet/noise is nuts though.

  2. I hate to see you in this condition Marie.Do you have any money coming in?Are you able to pay your rent? Things have to start looking up for you and soon. Can you apply for a CPP disability?Can your family help out at all.Hope you can get your TV back soon so you can have some kind of entertainment.Take care Marie. Thinking of you. Lesley

    Sent from my iPad

    >

    • Don’t worry Lesley. I do have an income from Social Assistance and it covers my rent. I tried for CPP but was turned down. It was just a matter of time and priorities for us to not be able to pay for cable. I hope to catch up with everything with income tax. Won’t that be great?!

  3. Lawyer Angels too!!

    And. you know what? You deserve to have TV really? I don’t go out at all, and I would go cra AAA zy! Without my cable.

    🙂

  4. I hope it’s back on by now! Have you tried HULU online? There are commercials, but still most regular networks are on there.

    • Yep I have my cable back and still there’s nothing on! ha ha. I appreciate the silence again though. It’s nice to have a choice in it. 🙂

      • I didn’t have cable throughout my kids’ growing up years. It was actually a benefit. My kids read and played instead of plopping in front of the TV. It is nice to have the choice. Isn’t it funny that you can have a hundred channels with nothing on! 🙂 It happens here, too!

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