Stupid Brain


Hello Brain! What the hell is up with this crap lately? Here I’ve been bragging about how great I’ve been doing and today nothing seems to be working on all circuits! stupid brainWake up! Focus! Be my best friend again!

I don’t understand what happened.  I feel exhausted; so tired I fall asleep in my chair.  Last night my body physically HURT.  I had headaches.  My neck and back were so stiff I could hardly move.  I think even the old ladies at the personal care home where I volunteer could have outrun me without even trying!  Today I was shaking so bad I had to use my arm to hold my other arm still so I could drink from a glass.  Eating with a fork or spoon was not happening either. This is a lovely side effect that hasn’t reared its ugly head in quite a while.  It’s quite embarrassing when I’m in public which, of course, I was.

There’s been a fog around me for a couple of days and I’m hoping it will only last a short time.  I know part of it has to do with my frustrations with finances and settlements with the ex that STILL hasn’t happened although that seems to finally be coming together.  I tried to do an Excel worksheet to keep track of what I pay and owe and when to pay everything but I ended up using my pen and paper and drawing columns and making a big mess and now there is no TV!  ARGH!!

My Dr. G and I talked on Wednesday.  Well, I talked and he listened.  The more I Dr Gtalked the more all the frustration came out: parenting a teen and an adult son, facing some of my social phobias, and the situation with food or lack there of. There were a whole lot of other things that came up that I didn’t expect.  My chest hurt after that session.

I just want to feel better again.  I know I will.

It looks like I’ll have to walk to my volunteer job (2.9 km or 36 min walk according to Google Maps) all next week.  Hopefully the wind chills will be decent. Weird how Social Services works…they encouraged me to volunteer but won’t give me bus fare to get there!

Anyhow, this is a venting post (boo hoo poor me) and there is nothing anyone sorrycan do about anything although a lovely friend is going to come over and look through my freezer and we will cook some things I hope the girl will like.

So I’ll post again next week and I’m sure I’ll be right back to my sunny self again.  Along with having Viking calves from all the walking. And I’ll write shorter sentences.

viking calvesPeace and love.

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4 responses to “Stupid Brain

  1. It’s ok to vent, better here than keeping it in. Breathe, my friend. Just breathe. Sometimes that’s easier said than done, but it’s what keeps us moving forward, one step at a time. Because, Viking calves. 🙂 (that made me laugh out loud). Hang in there…

  2. Sending best wishes, and wishing I could do more.

  3. It is so challenging to keep the stress at bay when we are struggling with finances. I hear you sister!

    Sending you angels and good vibes. So that maybe you can get a ride somehow. 🙂

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