Writers Block or Biters Wok

Oh hey, yeah, it’s me.  Been awhile I know.  I haven’t written anything in months!  My brain has become mush so trying to get something down on paper has been daunting.

Mush you ask?  Or did you ask?  I’m going with, yes.  Yes you did ask. And I feel like talking.

Life has been up and down, much like the moods associated with my bi-polar.  The really big news is I have an adorable granddaughter:

My heart is so filled with her sweetness and, I swear, she has a LIGHT.  Just look at her.  My son is pretty overwhelmed with the intensity of his feelings.  I asked him if he ever, ever felt this way about anyone else in his life.  He immediately said no.  I told him he may have other children but there is always something amazing about the child who made you a parent.  We love our kids the same; just differently.  Of course he deduced that I must love him more that his sister since he is my first-born.

I’ve been working part-time or unemployed this whole time.  That meant social assistance again.  I think I will, one day, dedicate a whole post just for the Welfare system.

I do have a new job.  I start this Monday.  I’m so petrified I won’t do well.  Mostly because my brain is, well, mush.

I had met a great guy and we dated for like 9 months.  We got along great and we had so much in common.  Unfortunately I was finding myself falling into the same old habits I was only partially aware I had.   I found I needed him to make me feel good about me.  I couldn’t feel even adequate unless he said I was.  I needed constant reassurance and that is just wrong.  I am supposed to love myself and it was more obvious I did not.  This was not his fault and it was hard for me to work on myself if I was waiting by the freaking phone all the time.  I also ignored some pretty strong objectionable (to me) character traits. This all came to a head a couple of weeks ago and we parted ways.  I’m certainly not going to bash him here as the man is still so dear to me and he deserves to be happy.  I miss him every day.

Please don’t expect any dating stories for quite some time.  I’m really working on myself, looking for my worth and diminishing my dependency for, what I call, needful love.  I’m tempted to write about THAT as I think I qualify as an expert.

Yeah and I had another fucking birthday.  Yippee.  Please note there is no exclamation point after that word.  My birthdays and relationships don’t go together.  My birthdays and my BODY don’t go together either.  I have had more pain these last 6 months than I ever did in my life.  I developed arthritis in my left knee.  Did you know it ATTACKS you the first time?  Oh man.  I needed a real hero to save me.

I’ll save you! You just let me handle it, little lady. *sigh*

Then, right after that, just in time for summer, my plantar fasciitis decided to come back.  Along with unbelievable low back pain, all summer I hobbled, I lurched, I was most ungraceful and very slow.  I was an old lady.

Well, that’s it.  I don’t want to push it.  I hope this didn’t come out reading too wooden.  Please leave me a comment and let me know what you think and what you would like to see.

Hey Kim Larocque!  Thank you.

Is anybody there?

9 responses to “Writers Block or Biters Wok

  1. Awesome job girl look forward to many more …. might get me back to doing it also *sigh* i’e been slacking also

  2. Well howdy stranger! I’m so glad to see you writing again (something I need to get back to). You’ve had quite the “adventure” this summer, and you survived. Bravo! Your granddaughter is beautiful…does she have a name? Congrat’s to you and your family. Please write more frequently, it’s been much too long. Welcome back 🙂

  3. Happy to see you back.. 🙂

    I love to read what you have to say. I love your stories and the way you tell them, and I totally love that you put yourself first in your last relationship. It is not always easy to let someone go and see the patterns which hinder our growth.


    Congratulations Grandma!!

  4. Deborah the Closet Monster

    I’m here! It’s so good to see you back. Congrats on your beautiful granddaughter, and good luck Monday.

    I hope you’ll be back here soon.

  5. Welcome back. Back where you belong!

    Congratulations, Grandma!

  6. Hey there Marie! I’ve wondered how you were doing. I haven’t blogged much lately myself. Congrats on your gorgeous granddaughter and don’t worry about the job tomorrow–you’ll be great! Much love to you!

  7. Hi Marie,

    Londynn looks so much like Jason when he was a baby! It must be so awe inspiring for you to be a gramma, I cannot wait until I am lucky enough to have grandkids. She is beautiful just like both your kids, and you.

    It is so nice to have you back writing, and know that we are at that age together when things in our bodies are not quite what they were. Just remember that you have two great kids and the most precious grandbaby you could ever have wished for! Love to Jason and family, and especially to you!

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