Mush you ask? Or did you ask? I’m going with, yes. Yes you did ask. And I feel like talking.
Life has been up and down, much like the moods associated with my bi-polar. The really big news is I have an adorable granddaughter:
My heart is so filled with her sweetness and, I swear, she has a LIGHT. Just look at her. My son is pretty overwhelmed with the intensity of his feelings. I asked him if he ever, ever felt this way about anyone else in his life. He immediately said no. I told him he may have other children but there is always something amazing about the child who made you a parent. We love our kids the same; just differently. Of course he deduced that I must love him more that his sister since he is my first-born.
I’ve been working part-time or unemployed this whole time. That meant social assistance again. I think I will, one day, dedicate a whole post just for the Welfare system.
I do have a new job. I start this Monday. I’m so petrified I won’t do well. Mostly because my brain is, well, mush.
I had met a great guy and we dated for like 9 months. We got along great and we had so much in common. Unfortunately I was finding myself falling into the same old habits I was only partially aware I had. I found I needed him to make me feel good about me. I couldn’t feel even adequate unless he said I was. I needed constant reassurance and that is just wrong. I am supposed to love myself and it was more obvious I did not. This was not his fault and it was hard for me to work on myself if I was waiting by the freaking phone all the time. I also ignored some pretty strong objectionable (to me) character traits. This all came to a head a couple of weeks ago and we parted ways. I’m certainly not going to bash him here as the man is still so dear to me and he deserves to be happy. I miss him every day.
Please don’t expect any dating stories for quite some time. I’m really working on myself, looking for my worth and diminishing my dependency for, what I call, needful love. I’m tempted to write about THAT as I think I qualify as an expert.
Yeah and I had another fucking birthday. Yippee. Please note there is no exclamation point after that word. My birthdays and relationships don’t go together. My birthdays and my BODY don’t go together either. I have had more pain these last 6 months than I ever did in my life. I developed arthritis in my left knee. Did you know it ATTACKS you the first time? Oh man. I needed a real hero to save me.
Then, right after that, just in time for summer, my plantar fasciitis decided to come back. Along with unbelievable low back pain, all summer I hobbled, I lurched, I was most ungraceful and very slow. I was an old lady.
Well, that’s it. I don’t want to push it. I hope this didn’t come out reading too wooden. Please leave me a comment and let me know what you think and what you would like to see.
Hey Kim Larocque! Thank you.
Is anybody there?