It’s funny how many people I can be. I’ve written about this before, I think. I’m known, at least I know, I take on the personae of someone else. If there is a situation where I ‘m confused about what my “proper” reaction should be, I resort to the capable, tried and true, traits of others.
I wish to remind readers I’m bipolar and not schizophrenic. That’s pretty important to keep in mind right about now. I’ve also used the real names of the people you’re going to read about. I hope I don’t get in trouble.
For example, when I need to be very assertive or borderline aggressive, “Mona” takes centre stage. When Mona weaves her confidence and superior intelligence the job gets done. Very organized and takes no crap from anyone. I liked that the best. A marshmallow, though when it comes to love. That was Mona. And parts of me when I need it. Forget the marshmallow part though.
I’ve missed Mona lately. I haven’t seen the woman in the flesh for over 15 years but she stuck with me all this time. Unfortunately, she’s been scarce in my life/brain the last few years and this is a time when I really need her.
Then there was Nanci. Well, in real life Nanci and I ended a friendship but not before I stole a few key ingredients which made her so special. People loved her so much and I was enormously jealous of that fact. I did tell her and we hugged and were friends for a long time. Even though she could be very cutting, she was also so charming. She had a laugh that made everyone around her smile. She was so much fun; Nanci was always in the fun car and I was not. I burn to be like that. When I’m “on”, lots of times I channel Nanci. I stole some loyalty and “how to make friends” from her. She never seemed afraid of anything. She has the most incredible eyes I have ever seen. She would see the world so differently than I. She’s a large woman just like me, the difference being she could care less. She’s beautiful and carries herself proudly. I strive to use her uniqueness for my own gain.
I take on many traits of my younger sister. Especially Colleen’s calmness when I need it and her unfailing strength. Lately I’ve been calling on that strength more times a day than I can count. Her gentleness with humanity, especially with children and animals has helped me gain the distinction of “being good with people”. I’m able to see things in a different light just when I thought that light went out.
I do have to mention Corrie. What did I steal from her? Corrie is “fun”. Corrie does “things”. Corrie takes chances and took a big chance on love a few years ago. It’s working for her. I try to take chances too because Corrie helped me not to be afraid to try. Corrie taught me about friendship and love going together. I hold on to that everyday.
So these are small parts of my “me”. Things do get confusing because I don’t really know what part is really the “me” me. You know? I think we are all made up of people we work, socialize and live with because we’re influenced by them and we take the good and the bad from each other.
I always wonder who and what I’ll channel next. I only hope it’s some good stuff, because, man, I need some good stuff right about now.
Peace and love.
Do you change who you are according to where you are or what situation you are in?