Wishes


I usually make a wish every morning on my way to work.  I go through an underpass with a train moving above me.  The superstition is (and I am very superstitious) as you drive under the bridge you take your feet off the floor, close your eyes, lick your thumb and thunk it to the ceiling of the car all while you make your wish.  Make sure the train is above you and moving.  I have been doing this for years and I have learned to be careful what I wish for.

One time I wished for money.  Found a nickel that very day.  Big whup. 

I tried to be more specific and wished to win the lottery.  I got $2 that Friday.  Not really what I had in mind.

Many times I wished for things beyond my control (yeah, like winning money isn’t beyond my control?) such as wishing my ex had loved me enough or my son to quit smoking or someone would give me as much chocolate I want.  I learned that wishing for things that involve other people just do not come true.  I think those things have already been decided.  Kinda have to do stuff for myself most of the time.

Mostly what I wish for is for my mental illness to stabilize and it has, many times.  Unfortunately or fortunately, however you want to look at it.  I cannot wish it away because it won’t go away and I really don’t mind having bi-polar disorder, as long as my meds are working.  Up to as recently as a month ago, my meds were sliding and that is not good.  That means I was sliding and I hate that.  So much.  My Dr. G. fixed me up tout suite with an increase, and after 2 weeks in spite of the horrible side effects, I can’t believe how I feel: wonderful.  Gone is the anxiety and I love how I am able to see things more clearly.  No depressive episodes, no paranoia; I feel on top of the game.  Today Dr. G. wanted me to go back to the former dose because of the side effects but I said no.  I want to hold on to this amazing confidence I know is always there but suppressed because of my illness.  I know the unpleasant side effects will go away.  In fact they are better already.

So what should one wish for?  My advice is to keep it simple.  Just wish for things to be better. 

Oh, and I just remembered there are 2 chocolate bars in my purse!

Oh, and don’t crash into anything.

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7 responses to “Wishes

  1. Love this, from the humorous initial wishes to the parting advice. I’m trying to strive for simple as often as possible these days.

  2. 🙂 Your post made me smile, and tear up a bit. My daughter has type II bipolar disorder and always seems to feel a bit off right before her period. She had a bit of a rough day yesterday, and it’s hard on me because she’s in FL for the week and I’m not with her. She’s feeling better today, but I always seem to hurt when she does. I’m so glad your med adjustment is helping you. Your post gives me hope 🙂 and that is exactly what I was wishing for today. A million thank yous! 🙂

    • There is always hope. I am fortunate to have a wonderful psychiatrist who insists I see him every 2 weeks. I know why. This time the problem was caught way earlier. Before him I lost my job and my dignity. I think that’s the secret, though is to maintain dignity and have a great doctor. Good luck to you and your daughter! I love when you comment on my posts.

      • I totally agree with you. My daughter has a good doc, too and a lot of support. I’m glad you’re taking good care of yourself. I always enjoy your posts!:)

  3. What a wonderful post to read! Glad the side effects are going away too. Funny to read…thanks for the smile!

  4. I agree, I hate the sliding feeling and the helpless that comes along with it, but your right there is always hope and it does help allot to have a great doctor…I love mine!

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