Yep. We all grow up. Supposedly. So about a week ago my 13-year-old, 13 I say, daughter confesses to having a boyfriend. Since April. 2010. April 2010. This is December. uh huh. She hid it and completely fooled me, trusting soul that I am. When she started confessing, everything just came pouring out of her. Now I know my girl is really a great kid, gets great marks and now I can say, is a great liar too! Yes it hurt, all the deception and I know I will get past it soon.
Now, poor Carly, though, has a different mother. I don’t think she likes the new me but it really doesn’t matter right now. Tough luck. Yes I am being a MOTHER and no I didn’t ground her or take stuff away. I let her know that since she made such a “grown up” decision, she is to start doing more “grown up” things. And do what I tell her. I also let her know that she will have to work at earning that trust I used to give so freely before all this happened.
Tonight, I needed some satisfaction. I wanted to meet this kid and I wanted Carly to know I am there and a MOTHER. She wanted to go to a Christmas party at her boyfriend’s house and I was out-of-town at MY boyfriend’s house, baking cookies. Yes, we were really baking cookies. So anyway I wanted to know if his mom would be there and told Carly to get me the mom’s phone number so I could talk to her. Every excuse in the book, I tell you, from they don’t have a phone, to he’s not answering his phone. I started to realize after a while that my Carly was not trying to deceive me, she was shy and of course she was embarrassed. So I called her when I knew she was getting to the party and told her she just had to hand the phone to his mom and say, “my mom wants to talk to you”. Right now. Or I was coming there to get her. She went through a few minutes of hell then she did it. I talked to his mom. Nice lady, Kelly. She was in the dark a long time about this friendship too and had to devise sneaky ways to meet Carly. Smart lady, Kelly. Great conversation too.
Okay, I felt better. Carly was in good hands. I really felt better. Made cookies.
Then it was time to drive home. It’s an hour drive from Dennis’ and I don’t have a car stereo anymore (dirty rotten thieves!) so I had a lot of time to think. And I did. Not usually a good idea, thinking. My thought was I was going to call Carly when I hit the city and tell her I was going to pick her up. And I did call her. Interrupted her party. She wanted to come home 45 minutes later than what I had planned. She eventually agreed I would see her in 10 minutes.
I got there in 5.
Oh dear, I just couldn’t wait outside could I? That would be wasteful of gas and my time and what would the neighbours think about this strange car with the evil-looking MOTHER behind the wheel, idling and spewing carbons into the atmosphere. So, with my Gladware of whipped shortbread, I went to the door and knocked. The door was opened by a small person and a small dog. I explained to them who I was and just went into the house. The dog loved me and immediately rolled onto her back on top of my foot. Then I waited. For Carly. Who had no idea that her own mother lurked in the vestibule. Kelly came to the door to meet me. We had a great time talking about this and that and devious children when Carly and her friend Ira came into the room. She was, once again, horrified. I did not see anyone who looked like a boyfriend named Thomas (or Tommy as his momma calls him). One kid tried to pass himself off as Thomas but he wasn’t Thomas. Even I knew that. So my new friend, Kelly, called over Tommy. He eventually made his way to her side. Reluctant he was. Carly was beside herself. I think I have a bruise on my ribs from her elbowing me. Yes, I checked. I do have a bruise on my rib.
This kid had a Justin Bieber hairstyle and he was short and did NOT smile at me. Not even a little. I introduced myself as Carly’s mother then invited him for supper sometime. I think Carly shit her pants. She and Ira had a fit of giggling and blessed Kelly reminded Carly she ate at their house all the time. Grrrr. Without me knowing. grrrrr. Thomas still did not smile but said “sure” and looked quite frightened. Not my problem and I had a strange sense of satisfaction. I think I have become evil.
So we all left. I asked questions about the dog who rolled onto my foot. I asked who the imposter was. She was much more relaxed now that we were out of there. She did her chores without complaining, gave up the computer to me in record time with not prodding.
So I don’t know who grew up more, her or me. I think its me, frankly. I had to learn to be a mother again. I’ve had it pretty easy with her so far with very little worries and lots of love and joy. I still have those things. I just have the start of the worries now but I know it’s all in how I handle it. I will not be her friend but friendly. I will be her mother and not her prisoner. She will grow up to be an amazing person with incredible intelligence and talent. I am proud to know this kid and proud to be her mom.
And our lives continue….